Reflection on Friendship
I have probably talked about this before, but I have been thinking for a very long time about the issue of friendship. What is the nature of a friendship? What is the point when one stops being mere acquaintances and become friends? And what is the point when two people stop being friends become either acquaintances again, or, if romantically involved, become lovers? It is interesting to note that becoming a friend does not require a formal declaration, while when we demote or promote friendship, a declaration is required. Well, at least I think it is required.
What are friends supposed to be like to each other? I know the most generic answers: be nice, encouraging, supportive, caring, honest, understanding, trusting, etc. All these qualities are very good. But one can be like this to just about anyone. (In fact, one should be like this to anyone!) What I don't understand is, what is the nature of the bond between two supposedly friends?
Do friends need to be able to read each other's mind? Frankly, I am horrible at this. I really don't know what is going on, even if sometimes things are spell out for me. Maybe I'm just a narcissist. Some people are especially sensitive to others, knowing not only the meaning of every word and action, but also the silences and the implications. Is that what friends should be able to do?
Do friends share everything with each other? What things are to be kept silenced? Every detail of one's life? One's love life? One's academic life? One's social life? Friends talk about the "deeper" things - one's aspirations, goals, values - yet, again, I tend to share that with many people anyway.
I have a feeling that all these actions are not good indications of the status of a friendship. Often all these things are masks that form part of our identity. It doesn't seem to express any deeper sentiments. The question is, what can?
Perhaps the simple answer is: the way your friend smiles. If I don't ever understand anyone's personality, my hope is that at least I understand his/her smile.
What are friends supposed to be like to each other? I know the most generic answers: be nice, encouraging, supportive, caring, honest, understanding, trusting, etc. All these qualities are very good. But one can be like this to just about anyone. (In fact, one should be like this to anyone!) What I don't understand is, what is the nature of the bond between two supposedly friends?
Do friends need to be able to read each other's mind? Frankly, I am horrible at this. I really don't know what is going on, even if sometimes things are spell out for me. Maybe I'm just a narcissist. Some people are especially sensitive to others, knowing not only the meaning of every word and action, but also the silences and the implications. Is that what friends should be able to do?
Do friends share everything with each other? What things are to be kept silenced? Every detail of one's life? One's love life? One's academic life? One's social life? Friends talk about the "deeper" things - one's aspirations, goals, values - yet, again, I tend to share that with many people anyway.
I have a feeling that all these actions are not good indications of the status of a friendship. Often all these things are masks that form part of our identity. It doesn't seem to express any deeper sentiments. The question is, what can?
Perhaps the simple answer is: the way your friend smiles. If I don't ever understand anyone's personality, my hope is that at least I understand his/her smile.
posted by Tristan at 10:49 p.m.
3 Comments:
to me....
a true friend is someone that you can be completely at ease, and be yourself with.....
someone who'll be quiet with you when you need silence, as well as someone who'll be loud with you when you want to be loud.
those are hard to find.
friendship is an emotional bond. if you define it and develop it according to your own definition, then I don't think it's friendship at all.
brent.
btw, I thought you should be able to really good at understanding people's characters since you read so much literature and have probably come across with many diverse characters, right?
brent.
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